Your Cosmic Lowdown

So, you're interested in the planetary hoedown that's happening up in the black? Well, sit tight and buckle up, partner. We're about to take a wild ride through the verse.

Hitched up in Virgo, Mercury's busy muttering to itself like Wash playing with his dinosaurs. You might feel like your mind's going all "curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal" on you, but don't fret. It's just asking you to slow down, take a look around, and maybe even tidy up your spaceship's cockpit or your sock drawer. #MercuryInVirgo #SockDrawerChaos

Venus prancing through Leo like Jayne in a new hat is a sight to behold. It might have you feeling all big-hearted and shiny, or maybe just itching to show off your own cunning hat. Either way, it's a good time to let your light shine. Just remember, you can't take the sky from anyone else. #VenusInLeo #CunningHat

Mars is swanning about in Libra, and it's as confused as a Reaver at a tea party. You might feel like you're being tugged between taking action and making nice. Remember: when in doubt, aim to misbehave (but with class). #MarsInLibra #AimToMisbehave

Jupiter's lounging in Taurus like Shepherd Book on a Sunday afternoon. It's all about enjoying life's simple pleasures right now - like fresh strawberries or a good Bible story. Take it easy, and remember: the special hell is reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. #JupiterInTaurus #SpecialHell

Meanwhile, Saturn's doing its best River Tam impression in Pisces. You might feel like you're seeing the world in a whole new way - or like you're being chased by the Alliance. Either way, remember to trust your intuition. It might just save your life. #SaturnInPisces #IcanKillYouWithMyBrain

Uranus is squatting in Taurus, stubborn as a mule. Expect the unexpected, but remember: that doesn't mean you can't plan for it.